We shook ourselves awake as the light filtered through the boxcars loosened planks. We stood by ourselves for a while. Cooked dinner that night under a full moonlit sky while clouds cacaded gentle mists wonder. We couldn’t find the time to stand captivated by our surroundings, so we packed up the car quickly. I took another bite of tomorrow's leftovers. Felt full, but craving some sweet sensation before dusk broke and we found ourselves under the warnings of the night sky once again.
We found ourselves out here in this robust, thick green tumbling carpet of a landscape like a couple of landslide refugees, picking up to start anew down the road. She never knew my true intentions though. I created a carefully scripted dialect, rehearsed and repeated multitudes of times so that my story never came off like a story. I wanted to maintain a mirage-like figure to captivate her. Keep her attention blocked and keep myself free from her hands, but barren from restrictions all to a point that I could not find myself a moral place to sit down.
I continued through life fast once again. Sped through comet field doctrines. Attended whole assemblies dedicated to my own eradication, because what did I care what came of me? I was lost once again trying to figure out who I was trying to make myself into, when that lizard's tongue swept across my face, forcing its way into each orifice of my being simultaneously.
I spit and shook with fatigue. Tender to the touch, limp enough to be left hanging on the clothesline. Like an old cold soul, I was alone. Left out in the back of the woods that day wishing for some kind of payment. I sure didn’t expect one so I wandered off alone without her for a time, returning some hours later to find her curled up in a ball limp. I dragged her to her feet, threw some creek water in her face, and spoke sweetness like it was the key to my fate. To leave her laying breathless to an unspoken promise that wasn’t mine to keep. I decided instead to lay by her side for a while to wait for the cold of night to pass.
It has been 3 days now and I think she knows when she will leave. I have been waiting for her to leave for a while now but am unsure if I will be ready for it when she does. I light myself another one because before dawn, I won’t care anymore.
We wake up late and pack the car, and are out briskly before anyone sees us. We head straight for the main road out of here but end up taking a few wrong turns along the way. I am marveled by how she never sees her own reflection as the divine nature revealing to us God's light. She is a creature of windswept landscapes. Dances with her scarves before the sunrise every morning.
“Light was made to be free, that’s what it’s supposed to be '' she says, “but I don’t blame the sun when my skin blisters in its glow. I tell myself that I am captain of this ship when it is convenient, but pray to find solace in my fate and to surrender free will as the ashes of my body scatter to the 7 corners of the world. Creating slivers of light that radiate a shadow. A shadow so cold, and so large, that it could swallow the whole world.”
“Are you hungry?” I ask “Cause it looks like we could get something to eat around here”
She briefly hummed and stood silent for several seconds before replying “I could eat, what were you thinking?”
She bows to the floor. Her back has a gentle curvature that bends graciously. Smooth skin felt by my curious wandering fingers that find themselves slipped beneath covers of clothing. Snaking their way to taste forbidden fruits. In hopes To make martyrs of past lovers. To dream deep within each other. To care for each other as true reflections of oneself. To wander blind and aimlessly to find her if she is lost.
“I would eat muscle, skin and bones” I say.
She smiles and replies “Then you aren’t the only one”
Now I was ravenous. Those moments of stunning confounding beauty that flow from her like a waterfall frees itself, crashing down from walls of thick ice atop a high cliff. I eat animals therefore I am an animal? Animal? Animal?
She felt like a rescue dog leaving me subtle clues to why she was abandoned with me here in this vast unforgiving wilderness. I never let her see me late at night as I’d cry, free from any ideas on how to free us from this horribly fated existence. I learned to laugh at this tortuous fate that had befallen us, because I had no choice. It was either that or sell myself back to the confines that brought me here to begin with. Death was preferable, so we trudged on away from that and gleefully along into our solitude.
I pretended that one day was never alike, but it was useless. Each second dragged on slower than rain frees soil from stone. We had created our own paradise; we disguised ourselves so easily that we end up tripping over our own traps. Several setbacks later and we still haven’t climbed the fence, but once we see a fox, then we will know that the spirits of this land are looking out for us to give us keening.
Enveloped within her embrace gently cradling me into her womb, Loving mother.
She is all light wishes to be if it could shine gentle as a whisper. Giving rhythms through river water like mother nature's daydream
She smiles and falls asleep as I speak sweet nothings into her ear. Polluting her mind with fantasy, cultivating desire like a bountiful crop of rye. Caring for her like my lover and child.
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